16: What remains?
On October 21, 2016 by whatremainsofchelseajaneA children’s book about death, quantum physics and alcoholism?
15: What remains?
On October 14, 2016 by whatremainsofchelseajaneFrom: Kris <kris@email.com> Date: Tue, May 31, 2011 at 12:41 AM Subject: RE: tulip bulbs To: “Chelsea W.” <chelseajaney@gmail.com> Thank you for finally replying. I understand you’ve been busy, but I know you’ve been avoiding me. And to answer your question: no. Why would you suggest that? I have some work to do, it’s true, with the
14: What remains?
On September 18, 2016 by whatremainsofchelseajaneMy daughter once said that peoples’ skulls should be made of glass so everyone could see what each other was thinking. “People aren’t like pies,” I told her. Unlike a pie, you can never know what’s truly inside a person, not ever, not even if he slices himself open and shows you his fruit, not even if he says, “Hello,
12: What remains?
On August 23, 2016 by whatremainsofchelseajaneThe starry veil showed up completely out of the blue on the night my dad died. I had a guitar and was playing a song at his bedside in hospice when it appeared. He was on percussion, that death rattle cabasa in his throat, and I saw it twinkle from the corner of my eye. It was a shimmering curtain the length of the
11: What remains?
On August 15, 2016 by whatremainsofchelseajaneElsie May had one of her legs amputated last weekend. The dementia has been a frenzied mole digging tunnels through her brain for a long time now. If her circulation was that horrible, why didn’t they just give her some extra sleepytime chewies and let her drift away? Elsie May is my grandmother, but that doesn’t matter anymore. She
10: What remains?
On August 3, 2016 by whatremainsofchelseajaneHunting for meaning is the most natural thing to do when you’re confused. Luckily, you can find it in just about anything if you concentrate hard enough. All you do is close your eyes as tight as you can, growl to yourself and think hard on the one thing confusing you most. My pursuit of
9: What remains?
On July 30, 2016 by whatremainsofchelseajaneLoving someone from a distance is always preferable to the mud-wrestling and hurt feelings that can happen between dull sublunary lovers when monsoon season arrives. John Donne was on to something – gold to airy thinness beat and all that. My love for Kris has been beaten and twisted and stretched out from here to the other side of time-space. The Valley of Death is all filigree
8: What remains?
On July 23, 2016 by whatremainsofchelseajaneThe questions I asked the Oracle were dumb. I should have thought of better questions, but I was scared and I didn’t understand what was happening so I asked the wrong things. Now that I’ve had some time to think things over, I feel like I should get another chance. I’ve been reading a lot about M Theory lately,
7: What remains?
On July 18, 2016 by whatremainsofchelseajaneYou just never know when you’re going to start believing in magic again. For example, today I went to the Calgary Stampede, where I was struck by hailstorm lightning at the top of a ride called the Donkey Death Kerjigger and woke up underground where I met an ancient Oracle who told me my future and the meaning of life. Have you
6: What remains?
On July 14, 2016 by whatremainsofchelseajaneMy obsessions with love and death are collapsing into each other such that I’m not sure I can distinguish them as recognizably different concepts anymore. The sublime and the tragic are knotted together, so knotted that they seem impossible to disentangle and pull apart to see if there’s anything in between. I know there is a kind of love that
5: What remains?
On July 7, 2016 by whatremainsofchelseajaneI sleep on Kris’ side of the bed now. We used to sleep with our spines pressed against each other. There have been times between dreams that I’ve thought he was is in bed with me, moments I’ve reached for him or tried to hook my leg around his the way he hated. One night a few weeks ago
4: What remains?
On July 5, 2016 by whatremainsofchelseajaneI have become, in the last ten years, somewhat familiar with grieving. I know the stages well. I know how they all jumble together like in a bingo cage. There is always a temptation to idealize the deceased person and the relationship. Everything is rewritten, at least at first. We want to feel peaceful in our rememberings, we want to feel
3: What remains?
On July 4, 2016 by whatremainsofchelseajaneMemories are funny stories. There’s a lot of give and take to them, you can give stuff to them and take stuff away, depending on your mood. “I despise you. You ruined my life.” Who would say such a thing to me? How would I respond? “I love you and I want you to get help.”
